Dog sitting the worlds dumbest dog

We are currently dog sitting the worlds dumbest dog, thank goodness he goes to another dog sitter tonight cause I think I might just kill him. His name is Rowan, and he is a big fat lab. He weighs 110 pounds, 5 more pounds than Buddha weighed at his last visit. So Rowan enjoys eating the kids toys. He also enjoys eating their DIRTY diapers! He knocks over the trash and eats it. He is constantly trying to hump poor Buddha. And every time you open the door he runs out, he is very sneaky. Even when I am prepared for it he somehow sneaks out. Then he won't come back in. And oh my gosh he barks incessantly when he is outside, non stop. Then when you call him to come inside he stands 5 feet from the door and wags his tail. You can call him every name in the book and he stands there with that same stupid look on his face. So today he ran out of the front door and wouldn't come back in. I eventually lured him back with his treats and then when I grabbed his collar I dragged him inside and put his treats on the table and told him he was a bad dog ( I didn't give him a treat either, cause I'm a meany). He got the last laugh as he took the package of treats off of the table while we were out and ate all of the treats! Then he polished it off with some nice dirty diapers which he spread all over the living room floor.

I suppose it is all somehow payback for all of the antics Buddha has cause to our dog sitters. I've heard that he destroyed a potted plant at one house, escaped and ran all over Loveland while we were on our honeymoon, created a Buddha sized hole in Melissa's basement bathroom drywall, scratched up the shag carpet in Bridget's old room in Broomfield. Most recently he attacked a dog while our dog sitter was on a hike with him over Christmas. The lady watching him had taken him off of the leash, so that one was partly her fault since he had specific instructions that included always keep him on a leash for walks.

Anyway, good bye and good riddance Rowan!

UPDATE: Here is a copy of the text message I just sent Bridget at work. I meant every word of it too!

Get this idiot retard dog out of my house NOW! He just escaped out of the backyard somehow and I had to chase his dumbass all around cause he wouldn't come to me. I hate this dog, he is surely sent to us straight from hell!