Making my own Butt Paste

So my son has had a crazy bad diaper rash this summer. It is horrible, he screams bloody murder every diaper change because it hurts so bad. It is also itchy, he is always scratching his bum, even scooting across the floor like my parents cocker spaniel used to do! So we have tried so many combinations of things I can't hardly remember - diaper cream, hydrocortisone, triple antibiotic, athletes foot fungus cream, prescription Nystatin. He has also gone diaperless for a few afternoons outside, no luck. So we took him to the doctor today who suggested we try this home made remedy: Maylox and Vaseline. So I picked up the ingredients at the store today and got home and went to work. The Maylox is runny, the Vaseline is thick and they mixed like....surprise surprise....oil and water. The doctor suggested putting the concoction in a blender, but I couldn't do it I couldn't bring myself to ruin the blender. I figured even if it came clean I would know that I mixed Butt Paste in it. So I was on the phone with Aunt Melissa while I was mixing this mess and she had a few good ideas that I tried. First she suggested putting the mess in the microwave for 10 seconds. That softened up the vaseline a bit, but another 20 really did the trick. Then she suggested using an electric hand mixer. Easier to clean, and only the metal beaters came into contact with the Butt Paste. That really worked! I was able to get something resembling paste, and it couldn't have come at a better time since the boy had stinky pants!

You may be asking, why Maylox? The doctor said it had something to do with nutralizing the acid in his poo which was maybe causing the problem. We'll see if it works! We also got another prescription, this time Bactroban...but I think that is a second option not to the homemade Butt Paste.